If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
