Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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