Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Two words: blizzard sex
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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