I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Your cock deserves a montage
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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