1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
