Having a random hookup so left but love u
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
