'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
