i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
