He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
