$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
