I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
