i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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