she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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