Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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