Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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