Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
