somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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