wrigley field is MILF paradise
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
