i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
sex in a hospital.. check
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
