I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
