He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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