some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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