shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
