im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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