Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
