im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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