Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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