my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
