I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize