listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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