how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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