Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
