I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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