I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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