woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
