I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
