No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
