On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
