I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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