dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
