Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
