I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
