You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
