My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
