In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
