see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize