It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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