You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
