Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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