How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
