Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
