Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
