Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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