Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
