I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
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we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
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I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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