Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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