I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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