if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I was not drunk enough for that final.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
