is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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