I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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