if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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