I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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