i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
