I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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