a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
