After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
