My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
